The Five Conflict Styles
Researchers describe conflict behaviour using two questions: how much do you care about your own goals, and how much do you care about the other person’s? The answers produce five styles.
| Style | Concern for self | Concern for others | In one line |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competing | High | Low | “I win.” |
| Collaborating | High | High | “We both win.” |
| Compromising | Medium | Medium | “We both give a little.” |
| Avoiding | Low | Low | “Let’s not deal with this now.” |
| Accommodating | Low | High | “You win.” |
How The Test Works
You rate 20 statements, four per style, on how often you behave that way. Each style gets a score from 0% to 100%, and your highest is your main style. Most people use two or three styles regularly.
The statements are original to PrismaTest. This test is not affiliated with any commercial conflict assessment.
Where The Model Comes From
Management researchers Robert Blake and Jane Mouton introduced a two-dimensional grid of management styles in 1964. Later researchers, including Kenneth Thomas and M. Afzalur Rahim, adapted the idea to conflict, and Dean Pruitt developed the “dual concern” theory in negotiation research. The core finding across this work: no single style is best. Effectiveness depends on the situation.
When Each Style Works Best
| Style | Works well when… | Backfires when… |
|---|---|---|
| Competing | Quick, unpopular decisions are needed | Used in close relationships every time |
| Collaborating | The issue is important and time allows | The issue is trivial |
| Compromising | Both sides have equal power and limited time | A creative solution exists |
| Avoiding | Tempers are high or the issue is minor | The problem keeps growing |
| Accommodating | The issue matters more to the other person | Your needs are always sacrificed |
Conflict Style In Relationships
Research on couples by John Gottman found that how partners argue matters more than how often. Harsh openings, contempt and stonewalling predict trouble, while gentle start-ups and repair attempts predict lasting relationships. In conflict style terms, constant competing and constant avoiding are both risky at home.
Building Flexibility
- Notice your default and ask whether it fits this situation.
- Practise your weakest style in low-stakes moments.
- Name the style out loud: “Can we look for an option that works for both of us?”
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best conflict style?
There is none. Collaborating is often ideal for important issues, but each style has a place.
Is avoiding conflict always bad?
No. It can be wise to pause when emotions are high, as long as you return to the issue.
Can I change my conflict style?
Yes. Styles are habits, and habits can be practised.
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