What This Test Measures
“Red flag” is everyday slang for a warning sign that someone could be a difficult or unhealthy partner. This test turns the question around: instead of judging a date, it asks how you behave. It scores you on five habits that research and relationship counsellors link with healthy or unhealthy relationships.
| Habit | Green flag | Red flag |
|---|---|---|
| Control | Gives a partner freedom and trust | Checks up on, restricts or guilt-trips a partner |
| Honesty | Tells the truth, even when it is awkward | Lies, hides things or bends the truth |
| Communication | Raises problems calmly and directly | Hints, sulks, gives the silent treatment |
| Respect | Listens, apologises and supports | Mocks, dismisses or turns blame around |
| Emotional availability | Open about feelings and commitment | Avoids closeness and serious talks |
How The Test Works And How It Is Scored
Each of the 15 questions describes a realistic moment, with four answers that run from green (0 points) to red (3 points). Some situations have two equally healthy answers, or two equally unhealthy ones, so the best choice is not always the first.
Your overall red flag score is your total as a percentage of the maximum. You also get a score for each of the five habits, three questions each.
| Red flag score | Result |
|---|---|
| 0% to 15% | Green flag |
| 16% to 30% | Mostly green, a few yellow flags |
| 31% to 45% | Yellow flags: proceed with care |
| 46% to 62% | Orange flags: habits to work on |
| 63% to 100% | Red flag |
Sample question: “During an argument, voices start to rise.” Suggesting a break and coming back calmly scores 0. Saying things you know will hurt scores 3.
The Research Behind It
The five habits come from well-studied patterns in relationship research:
- Communication: psychologist John Gottman’s long-term studies of couples identified four patterns that predict breakups, which he called the “Four Horsemen”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling (shutting down). Several of our questions test for these.
- Respect: Gottman found contempt, such as mocking or eye-rolling, to be the single strongest predictor of divorce in his research.
- Control: monitoring a partner, restricting their friendships and using guilt are recognised warning signs of coercive control, a pattern of abuse.
- Honesty and emotional availability: trust and openness are consistently linked with relationship satisfaction across studies.
The test itself is a guided self-reflection, not a validated research instrument.
All Possible Results
Green Flag
Respectful, honest and calm in conflict. People feel safe with you.
Mostly Green, A Few Yellow Flags
A good partner with a couple of habits to watch, which is true of most people.
Yellow Flags: Proceed With Care
Several habits that can cause friction under stress. Naming them is the first step to changing them.
Orange Flags: Habits To Work On
Patterns that can seriously hurt a relationship. Support from a counsellor can help.
Red Flag
Many behaviours partners see as warning signs. Professional support can help you build healthier patterns.
How To Read Your Result
Your habit bars are more useful than the overall colour. Someone can be very honest but avoid every serious conversation, or be warm and open but controlling when jealous.
- Find your highest bar. That is the habit a partner is most likely to notice.
- Think of a recent example. When did it last show up?
- Pick one replacement behaviour. For communication: say “That bothered me because…” within a day instead of hinting. For control: let one unanswered text go without following up.
A Note On Safety
This test looks at your own behaviour. If you are reading this because a partner checks your phone, controls who you see, puts you down or makes you afraid, those are serious warning signs. Please talk to someone you trust or a domestic abuse support service in your country.
Frequently Asked Questions
What counts as a red flag in a relationship?
Common red flags include controlling behaviour, dishonesty, contempt, refusing to talk through problems, and pressure or guilt to change who you see or what you do.
What is a green flag?
A green flag is a sign of a healthy partner: someone who communicates openly, respects your boundaries, apologises when wrong and supports your goals.
Can a red flag person change?
Yes, if they recognise the pattern and want to change. Many unhealthy habits are learned and can be unlearned, often with help from a counsellor.
I scored high. Am I abusive?
This quiz cannot tell you that. A high score means some of your habits could hurt a partner. If you are worried that you are controlling or harming someone, speaking to a professional or a perpetrator support service is a responsible step.
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For self-reflection only. Not a psychological assessment or relationship counselling. See how we build our tests.