Agape (pronounced “ah-gah-pay”) is the love style of giving. Agape lovers care deeply about their partner’s happiness and are willing to make sacrifices for it, often without expecting anything in return. In Lee’s model, it blends the devotion of Eros with the patient care of Storge.
| At a glance | Agape |
|---|---|
| Type | Secondary love style (Eros and Storge) |
| Love feels like | Caring for someone more than yourself |
| Key need | Their partner’s wellbeing |
| Strength | Generosity, patience and forgiveness |
| Challenge | Neglecting your own needs |
| Linked with | Higher relationship satisfaction |
Where The Word Comes From
Agape is an ancient Greek word for love. It became central in early Christian writing, where it describes God’s unconditional love for humanity and the love believers are called to show others. The famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13, “love is patient, love is kind”, uses agape. Philosophers and theologians, including C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves, have since used it for selfless, unconditional love.
In John Alan Lee’s love styles, agape keeps this meaning but applies it to romantic relationships. You do not need to be religious to love in the Agape style.
Key Traits Of Agape Lovers
- Puts the partner first. Their happiness feels as important as one’s own, or more.
- Patient and forgiving. Mistakes are not held against the partner.
- Gives without keeping score. Favours are not tracked.
- Supports the partner’s growth, even when it means personal sacrifice.
- Stays through hard times, such as illness or loss.
What Research Says
Agape is, along with Eros, one of the strongest positive predictors of relationship satisfaction in studies by Clyde and Susan Hendrick and others. It is linked with commitment, empathy and secure attachment. Pure Agape is relatively rare; most people combine some Agape with other styles.
Related research on compassionate love, studied by Susan Sprecher and Beverley Fehr, finds that caring, giving love for a partner predicts the partner’s satisfaction and wellbeing too.
The Overgiving Risk
Agape’s strength can become a weakness when giving turns into self-neglect.
| Healthy Agape | Overgiving |
|---|---|
| Gives freely and feels good about it | Gives and feels resentful or exhausted |
| Partner gives back in their own way | Relationship is one-sided |
| Keeps personal needs and boundaries | Ignores own needs entirely |
| Supports a partner’s growth | Enables harmful behaviour |
Overgiving is especially risky with partners high in Ludus or with Dark Triad traits, who may take advantage of generosity.
Explore Agape Further
Or compare all six in the love styles guide.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is agape love only religious?
No. The word has religious roots, but in love style research it simply describes selfless, giving romantic love.
Is agape the highest form of love?
Many traditions see it that way. In relationships, it works best when balanced with self-care and mutual giving.
Can agape love be unhealthy?
It can if it leads to self-neglect or tolerating mistreatment.
For self-reflection. Not relationship counselling.