For someone high in Machiavellianism, love can look a lot like strategy. Partners may be chosen for status or usefulness, feelings kept under control and the relationship managed rather than shared. Not every high Mach is a cold partner, but research shows some clear patterns.
What Research Shows
- Love styles. Machiavellianism is linked with the game-playing “ludus” style and the practical “pragma” style, and with lower levels of selfless “agape” love. See our love styles guide.
- Emotional distance. High Machs report more avoidant attachment: discomfort with depending on a partner and with being depended on.
- Infidelity. Several studies link the trait with greater willingness to cheat and to lie about it.
- Tactics. High Machs report using more manipulation tactics in relationships, such as guilt-tripping, strategic sulking and selective honesty.
How It Can Look In A Relationship
| Stage | Possible pattern |
|---|---|
| Dating | Carefully presented image, partners chosen for status or advantage |
| Early relationship | Charming and attentive, but reveals little about real feelings |
| Conflict | Stays calm, wins the argument, rarely concedes |
| Long term | Emotional distance, keeping options open, secrets about money or contacts |
This differs from narcissism, which is driven by a need for admiration. A Machiavellian partner may not need your praise at all. What they want is control of the outcome.
Signs You Might Be Being Played
- You often feel you are in a negotiation rather than a partnership.
- Their story changes depending on who is listening.
- They know a great deal about you, and you know little about them.
- Affection seems to appear when they want something.
- You feel outmanoeuvred in arguments, even when you know you were right.
- They keep parts of their life, such as finances or friendships, deliberately hidden.
What Partners Can Do
- Ask for transparency on shared matters such as money and plans, and notice how they react.
- Name tactics calmly. “It feels like you are trying to make me feel guilty to change my mind.”
- Keep your independence, including your own friends and finances.
- Trust patterns over words. Promises matter less than consistent behaviour.
- Get outside perspective from trusted friends or a counsellor if you feel confused.
If You Recognise These Traits In Yourself
Strategic habits often grow from a belief that other people cannot be trusted. That belief can protect you, but it also blocks closeness. Practising small, honest disclosures and noticing when you are “managing” your partner can help. The attachment style test may show whether avoidance plays a part.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a Machiavellian person fall in love?
Yes. They can feel attraction and attachment, though they may be more guarded and calculating in how they show it.
Are Machiavellian partners more likely to cheat?
Research finds a higher willingness on average, but individuals vary a lot.
What makes a relationship with a high Mach work?
Shared goals, clear agreements and a partner with strong boundaries. Without honesty, though, trust usually wears thin.
Describes research findings about averages, not any individual person.